This month, the Supportive Care Team of the is hosting a three-day bereavement retreat designed for young adults ages 18 to 35 to share their stories with each other, reflect, and heal in nature. 鈥淲hen you grieve, and you're looking at a beautiful, quiet lake, 迟丑别谤别鈥檚 a sense of expansiveness, the feeling that 测辞耻鈥檙别 connected to something bigger than you, which is very reassuring and settling,鈥� explains Pauline Orr, a social worker and psychotherapist who is leading the bereavement program at the Teresa Dellar Palliative Care Residence. In this interview, Pauline details how the retreat can help the young adults who have lost their loved ones.听
Vanessa Ruan (VR): Hello Pauline, can you briefly explain why you and your team are organizing a bereavement retreat specifically for young adults? What is unique about young adults who are grieving compared to older adults?听
Pauline Orr (PO): Young adults are at a time of their lives that is launching. Most of our young participants will have lost a parent, who may act as a mentor during their development. Without that parent, these young adults may face increasing difficulties when they are trying to answer identity questions of 鈥渨ho am I and who am I not? Who do I want to be?鈥� This is different for an older adult who might know who they are a little bit more. Besides the identity issue, there is also a lot of uncertainty at that age: young adults may be getting their first apartment, getting married and planning to have a family, or changing careers. And a loss can just stun this developing phase of life.听听
If people lose someone important at a young age, they may suppress their feelings, as those emotions are difficult to live with. They may not have time for it and feel shame about having intense emotions because our society is not like 鈥�Hey, it's okay to speak out loud about your grief.鈥� It says, 鈥�Okay, time鈥檚 up.鈥� But even if 测辞耻鈥檝别 suppressed it, I 诲辞苍鈥檛 think grief ever goes away. Loss will stay with us, and we grow with it.听
VR: What activities can the participants expect at the retreat?听
PO: 奥别鈥檒濒 go between big and small groups. First, 飞别鈥檒濒 break the ice after arriving on Friday night. Then, 飞别鈥檒濒 sit down and introduce our theme about loss and allow people to share who they've lost in small groups. Over the next two days, 飞别鈥檒濒 also do some art, have some workshops where we discuss certain themes, and have campfires where we sing at night. 罢丑别谤别鈥檚 also a nature trail, so we'll hike听if the weather allows.听
VR: How will these activities help with the healing process?听
PO: For me, talking is one form of expression. But not everyone can express what they want to say verbally. Sometimes, we have to move. And just being in nature heals. As John Muir described it, 鈥淣ature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees.鈥� The minute I get into nature, I feel that calming energy. And 迟丑别谤别鈥檚 something about nature 迟丑补迟鈥檚 more than soothing. Nature is such a beautiful example of living and dying. When you sit there, you see that spring is ending. Things die in the fall, and they go into hibernation or into dormancy. And there is regenerating in that quiet and dark time, and then a reemergence of life. It's just there. Without even realizing it, when we're sitting in it, it's reassuring.听
In keeping with our holistic approach to grief and healing, we have a team of two social workers, one music therapist, and two art therapists who will help organize different activities. As different people may prefer different forms of expression, all those different ways allow everybody to have a chance to express themselves in the group. Lastly, when the participants in this group share their experience, they will identify with one another, feel heard and seen, and be understood.听
VR: Are there any situations where you would not recommend this bereavement retreat to someone?听
PO: If the loss happens within the last two months, we'll offer the person a one-on-one support session and encourage them to join us later, because the loss might be so recent that they may still be in shock and it's hard for them to process it right away.听
The Young Adult Bereavement Retreat, open to young adults between the ages of 18 and 35, will take place from May 22nd to 24th, on the pristine site of in St. Agathe, Quebec. If 测辞耻鈥檙别 interested in learning more, please contact Pauline via email (porr [at] tdpcr.ca) or phone (514-693-1718).听